Why is change so hard? Perhaps a huge contributor to the difficulty with change is the fact that we all tend to see needed change as a mountain. It can be overwhelming and quite disconcerting to say the least. But some people do change. How on earth do they do that?
The research is pretty clear and not a big mystery. Except for the magically, instantaneously transformed, every other person achieves real change — a new identity — slowly, methodically, one step at a time. The key is taking small steps and mastering one new skill at a time. We are all impatient and want instant success, but change that quickly is rare. For change to take place we need to take a different approach.
Change takes place when we become the Author of our own experience and not an Observer. It’s about taking small steps and taking your time.
Wanting to change and changing are two different things. Your understanding is based on the “old” version of yourself. You have to experience what you don’t know – you have to behave in ways that are awkward and uncomfortable. You have to behave your way to a “new” you – the outcome you are striving for.
The first step to change is to know what we really want. If you want to lose weight you need to know where you are currently and where you want to go. If you start at 250 lbs. and want to get to 180 lbs. (a loss of 70 lbs. — your mountain), you need to focus on the first day, not the last day. You need to focus on the first week, not the last week. It is also important to realize this is not just about planning. The choices and actions you take each day will have an impact, while at the same time being fully aware of where your pain points are and working to avoid those.
If you spend your day mostly sitting and eating high caloric foods, it won’t get the job done. The “old” you has to overcome the emotional lean towards sitting and eating and learn to become emotionally attached to moving and eating healthier foods. So the behaviors you must add to your daily plan to become the “new” you are healthier food choices and moving. Eventually over time you will see evidence of the outcome you are looking for.
Practice exercise for the week: Behave your Way to Change
Step One: Identify a behavior that you would like to work on. Identify something you should and can do. This will give you an experience with the real change process. Identify what behaviors will be needed in order to create the change you desire.
Step Two: Practice this new behavior every day for the next week. At the end of the week, give yourself a high-five, and repeat for consecutive weeks until the new behavior is established.
Example 1: You’ve been told you need to work on your “people skills” but you feel like it can be a waste of time. You would rather talk about the task at hand than spend time chit-chatting. New behavior: each day when interacting with your direct reports try to learn something personal about them. Try to discover something you have in common such as a hobby, a church, or a favorite sports team. Do this every day for the next week.
Example 2: When it comes to doing the paperwork side of your job it feels tedious and boring so you tend to put it off until your back is against the wall. New behavior: Identify what part of the day you are most productive. Block out 30 minutes during that portion of the day to work on paperwork. Do this every day for the next week.
Having trouble determining what this might look like for you? Feel free to contact us. We’d be more than happy to help.