People are always looking for the magic bullet.\u00a0 That one thing that makes something stick.\u00a0 Magic bullets are usually not magic bullets at all, but just common sense put into practice.\u00a0 They\u2019re not always easy, or at least easily sustainable.\u00a0 If they were we wouldn\u2019t be looking for them, now would we?<\/p>\n

In our line of work we are always asked, \u201cHow do I get ___________ to do what I want?\u201d\u00a0 Is there a magic bullet for getting people to do what you want them to do?<\/p>\n

There is.\u00a0 It\u2019s called empathy.<\/p>\n

I recently listed to a podcast by Seth Godin speaking about empathy \u201cEmpathy doesn\u2019t mean that you like the other person.\u00a0 In fact, when you like the other person you do not need that much empathy.\u00a0 Empathy means that the outcome is important enough to you that you are willing to exercise effort to get that outcome.\u201d\u00a0 Let me repeat that again, \u201cEmpathy means that the outcome is important enough to you that you are willing to exercise effort to get that outcome.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Seth pointed out, our first response is that we want to do something.\u00a0 \u201cDo it right now.\u00a0 Do it clearly.\u00a0 Get this over with so we can move on. Yes, this happened.\u00a0 Yes, we are uncomfortable.\u00a0 Yes, the answer is complicated.\u00a0 Yes, we do not know exactly what to do.\u00a0 So instead we\u2019re going to stand here and immerse ourselves into it, thinking as hard as we can to understand, maybe for a second, maybe longer, what that person needs.\u00a0 Who are they?\u00a0 What do they know?\u00a0 What do they believe?\u00a0 What do they want?\u00a0 What are they keeping track of?\u00a0 What is important to them?<\/p>\n

What would I do if I were you, is not the question, because I\u2019m not you.\u00a0 The question should be, what if I wanted what you wanted?\u00a0 If I had been exposed to what you\u2019ve been exposed to, what story would resonate with me?\u00a0 What if we let go of our own self-satisfaction and certainty in our correctness and imagine for a minute that we believe what they believe, that we know what they know, and that we want what they want. \u00a0Then what story has to show up?\u00a0 If you give them the freedom to be who they are, you are able to dance with them so you will both get what you want.<\/p>\n

Empathy then doesn\u2019t mean you like the person we are trying to empathize with.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean we like the situation that we are in.\u00a0 It simply means that we are choosing to do what works.\u00a0 And what works for us is probably fair, and just and probably works for the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n

Are you willing to exercise effort to get the outcome you are looking for?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Step One:<\/strong>\u00a0 Identify someone that you are currently feeling extreme frustration towards or a situation that is keeping you from moving forward.<\/p>\n

Step Two:<\/strong>\u00a0 Put yourself in their shoes.\u00a0 Who are they?\u00a0 What do they know?\u00a0 What do they believe?\u00a0 What do they want?\u00a0 What are they keeping track of?\u00a0 What is important to them?<\/p>\n

Step Three:<\/strong>\u00a0 Revisit the conversations you\u2019ve been having with this individual.\u00a0 Was empathy present?\u00a0 What would a new conversation with them look like if empathy were present?\u00a0 Are you willing to make the effort it will take to get the outcome you are looking for?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

People are always looking for the magic bullet.\u00a0 That one thing that makes something stick.\u00a0 Magic bullets are usually not magic bullets at all, but just common sense put into practice.\u00a0 They\u2019re not always easy, or at least easily sustainable.\u00a0 If they were we wouldn\u2019t be looking for them, now […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=453"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":457,"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/453\/revisions\/457"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=453"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=453"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/culturebychoice.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=453"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}